Persistence: the act of continuing steadfastly or firmly in some state, purpose, course of action, or the like, especially in spite of opposition, remonstrance, etc. (dictionary.com)
Typically, persistence is a good thing. You persist when life throws you curve balls, and even when it’s steadier, continuing with the things you need to do on a regular basis for your Self, your career, your family, friends and loved ones. In what ways have you persisted, or do you persist, in your life?
I sure know I’ve persisted, especially in the past over 12.5 years since a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and the domino effect of its aftermath upended my life, causing me to close my first business of 12 years and end my 14-year career in bodywork, go on disability, and eventually do some profound healing that now allows me to be here, coaching, with Her Self Reclaimed. If you’re really curious to know what happened, check out my book, Head of Hope. That’s a story for another day.
Recently, a former bodywork teacher of mine said, after listening to what brought me to her for a session, “It sounds like you’ve been persisting. Sometimes it’s okay to stop persisting and wave the white flag.” Those words hit me deeply, and have been on my mind and heart since. I have been persisting with a particular health challenge since the brain injury, doing my best to address it through various approaches, but with a roller coaster of ups and downs over the years in terms of success. Now, I have surgery to address it in a number of weeks, as I’ve reached the tipping point. I’m waving the white flag.
Persistence comes from motivation, ambition, and drive on a good day, but often from pure survival. Sometimes we persist because that’s the only option we have if we want to survive. That’s how it felt for me for a long time. Persistence meant, “I’m still here.” Yes, I’m still here, but now as a very different version of my Self, since doing a lot of healing, learning, and rewiring my brain. This means that I no longer have to keep persisting in the same way as the old version of my Self, who was just surviving day to day.
You may have heard of Einstein’s definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Truly, I tell you, I was, by this definition, going insane. The questions you could ask your Self when you realize that you’re persisting and things aren’t changing for the better, are:
1. How helpful is this?
2. How does continuing to do things this way benefit me?
3. How is persisting in this way harming me?
4. What could be possible if I did something different?
Take a moment to get still and really think about the answers to these questions. It’s okay if “I don’t know” is the first answer that comes to mind. Give it more time- however long it takes. If you find the list is short for #1, and long for #3, that’s a good indication that it might be time for a change, even if you don’t know what that change is yet.
Persisting, especially when done from that place of surviving day to day, can feel like being on a perpetual hamster wheel. You’re spinning, spinning, spinning but not getting anywhere. Time to stop the wheel and choose differently. Your new choice doesn’t have to be anything as drastic as surgery, as in my case. It could mean giving up an old thought pattern or behavior. Those unhelpful thoughts and behaviors can become both very persistent and problematic, especially over time, keeping you stuck or even diverting you in directions you ultimately didn’t want to go. Gratefully, they can be changed with awareness, strategy, and consistent, conscious effort and practice.
Understand you always have a choice. You may not always like the available choices, but you always have choice. You can choose to persist, even when it’s at your own expense in some way, or set it down, and surrender. Persistence becomes heavy quickly when it no longer serves you. Surrender is an active choice. It’s having the wisdom and courage to accept and admit that you can’t keep going as you are. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean you failed, or that you’re weak. Surrender isn’t exclusively limited to war-time sentiment of win-lose. Surrender is allowing your body to rest when you’ve been pushing it for too long. Surrender is allowing your Self to be loved. Surrender is giving up control when you can’t control it anyway. Surrender is ultimate trust: in others, in your Self, in the Universe/Divine/God (however you want to name that which can’t be accurately defined).
What can you surrender today?
Remember, changes never have to be big. They just have to be meaningful to you, and no one else. If you’re feeling stuck on the hamster wheel, know that I’m here to help- here to help you stop persisting, before it becomes problematic.